Don't look at the tree!
A metaphor for our times
When I learned to ride a motorcycle, the instructor gave one of those specific pieces of advice that end up being applicable to life in general:
“Your bike will go wherever you look. So if you don’t want to hit something, don’t look at it!”
He was right: when you turn your head on a motorcycle, the vehicle responds to your body movement. In order not to make the tree hanging into the road your target, you have to register it out of your peripheral vision. Over the years, I’ve found a variety of ways to apply this advice to life.
Application 1: Don’t focus too much on the problem
Immediately after getting the M on my license, I got pregnant. That was the end of my motorcycle dreams. My husband got a motorcycle; I got a big belly.
But I didn’t forget the instructor’s advice…because it ended up applying to toddlers and children in general! The more you focus on something you see as a child’s misbehavior, the more it ramps up. Your focus gives it power. Good parents, especially those with particularly willful children, know how to look past the misbehavior and encourage the expected behavior.
Application 2: Don’t give energy to the problem
I had been a teacher before I had children, but only of adults. So when I went back and started teaching children, once again, my instructor’s advice proved invaluable. When you have a student in the class who is using negative tactics to get attention, the very worst thing you can do is feed that student with negative energy. I have cultivated a slightly bored, “by the way I sorta noticed this” voice in which I ask a student to stop the behavior and then I immediately move on.
Both halves of that approach help me avoid “the tree”: by offering the fuel of emotion and attention to the student, you cede your attention to them. And by focusing on the student’s misbehavior, you aim straight for that tree.
Application 3: Don’t get bogged down looking at the treachery
I’ll admit that during 2017 to 2020, I lived in four years of disbelief and outrage. But unlike now, in 2017 we could see how he was failing to bring about his vision, and in fact, it wasn’t clear what his vision was. That tree was a forest that could slide by as we focused on our goals.
Now, the tree is no longer just leaning into the road; that tree has walked itself into the middle of our lovely street and is begging each of us to focus on it exclusively. He’s had four years to prepare, as well as four years for other more focused, more goal-oriented people to grovel at his feet and gain entry into his circle. Now we’re seeing how effective his team has become. He provides the theater and the distraction, they go about their work of dismantling a liberal democracy,1 ignoring checks and balances, and promoting an extremist agenda unlike any our nation has seen before.
And here we are, trying to move down the street of democracy, and we:
scream “coup!” while looking straight at that tree.
gasp on social media about his latest weird statement, our attention drawn away from the democratic road ahead.
protest with grand words, hoping to draw other people’s attention away from him while giving him more fuel.
He’s an enormous tree in the middle of the road. People can’t stop looking, and people can’t stop crashing into it, over and over.
If we don’t look at the tree, then what?
It’s the duty of every citizen in a democracy to remain informed about their government, for sure. At this moment in history, of course, targeted outrage can help, protests can help, and documenting misdeeds is necessary.
But we as individual people have a choice to make: Do we wallow in a muddy pit of outrage? Do we sling arrows at every target until we’re exhausted? Do we stew slowly in a pot, not noticing that it’s cooking us alive?
Positive action gives us something to focus on
Too many people I know are so upset that it’s sending them into a pit of despair. And I understand: I have queer friends and family members; I am a woman and have lived through pregnancy crises; my rural county’s agricultural system depends on hard-working immigrants, many of them undocumented because of our ridiculously dysfunctional immigration laws. The stakes are high for me personally, for my family members, for my friends, for my community.
But it’s clear that wallowing won’t help. Positive action will. Here’s what we can do:
Focus on the good you can do in your own spheres of influence
Does the work you do for pay or for love promote some good in the world, however small? Remember that, cherish that, focus on that goal. Do you have a network of people in your community you can influence with your good work? Remember them, cherish them, focus on that good.
Yes, stay politically engaged, but no, don’t focus on that tree in the road.
Volunteer and help out in whatever way you can
What you do with the time you have left after work and necessary self-care is important. Whatever skills you can offer are valid. Maybe you can only volunteer at a food bank two hours a month. Good! Maybe, like the people I met at our MLK Day march, you can give out information about affordable housing, you can explain the goals of your youth group to any adult who will listen, or you can just bask in the sun in your wheelchair, happy to be out with a community that supports you.
Your good work will help you avoid that tree in the road.
Don’t discount the non-political good that you do
I’m a musician. I know that when I play or go hear someone else play, our music uplifts souls. And that’s good work. If you can do it, do it harder. Do it with more conviction. Do it for your people and for people who hate you. Show them what love is.
That tree in the road is trying to divide us—don’t let it.
Flex whatever political power you have
Some people are more politically connected than others. For years I wanted to start a postcarding group but didn’t have the bandwidth, so finally I reached out and found one. The person organizing it has more political engagement than I do—that doesn’t make me feel bad; it makes me feel thankful that I can depend on her and support her cause.
Support the good work of others so we can all move collectively past that tree.
Don’t withdraw; don’t obey in advance; don’t overreact; don’t freak out
We need you. We need your positive engagement, whatever it is. I know this is a long list of don’ts and you might have very valid excuses for one or more of them. I’m not blaming you, but I am encouraging you to focus on the road ahead. Don’t look at that tree bending into the street. That tree wants to snare you in its treacherous branches.
But you deserve to ride free.
Readers: You know how it works: The more you read, ‘love,’ and share these posts, the more other readers will see them. Your support is important! I’d love to hear from you.
What is your positive action for today, this week, this month, or this year?
I hope my readers are well-read enough to understand that a liberal democracy is not a democracy run by liberals, but in case you’re wondering: “Liberal democracy emphasizes the separation of powers, an independent judiciary, and a system of checks and balances between branches of government.” [Wikipedia]
Love this post. These guidelines are just what I needed to hear. Thank you!